Thoughts On Midlife Crises, Growing Pains & Opportunity

“Midlife – when the universe grabs your shoulders and says “I’m not effing around! Use the gifts you were given!” – Dr. Brene Brown 

Is midlife – that vague phase that happens sometime after the age of 40 – a time when we are most likely to face a crisis? Or are our mid-life crises, really wonderful opportunities in disguise?

I see midlife as a time that opens up completely new possibilities in our lives –  when the career is established, the kids are growing or grown, the home is purchased – in short, all those things that consumed us for so many years are established, and a nagging voice inside us starts to ask, “Really…. is this all there is?”

Sure, some people never get that call – or maybe they just don’t bother to listen, and they’ll cruise right on past. Others will buy the red convertible,  go on the trip, or the diet – make outward changes.

But many of us start to search for something more substantial. Some of us realize we have arrived at a crossroads and want real, lasting change.  Still others are forced to change when their circumstances alter – thru job loss, or a divorce. They just might not be too sure how to go about it.

This is where a coach can really help. A good coach will support you in seeing your possibilities through fresh eyes and discovering the new opportunities you might otherwise miss.

As a coach, I  see my coachees’ crises – midlife and otherwise – as a signal that someone is suddenly open to seeing possibilities that they never really considered before. Life has a way of forcing our hand.

So keep your eyes open and look for the amazing opportunities that might be presenting themselves in your own crisis. And if you aren’t sure how to negotiate the path, consider what a great travelling companion a personal coach could be.

We all Have Dating “Baggage”

It’s amazing how many times people who we meet, especially when we are dating, want to assure us they have no baggage…and it’s absurd. We all have baggage. And it’s not a bad thing. What is important is how you deal with your baggage. Do you shove it under the bed and pretend it’s not there? Or are you ready to take a good hard look to see what your baggage is trying to tell you about what you might need to change?

Let me tell you how I learned to deal with my baggage.


In my mid-forties, I found myself newly single and eager to move on to the next phase in my life. New house, new career, and maybe a new relationship.

It was a bit scary, but I looked forward to starting over in the dating world. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t going to get to date as a mature woman in her forties. I was going to have to pick up where I left off before I escaped into a nice safe marriage some 20 years earlier.

The young woman who was coming along for my early steps into the world of dating was very familiar. She didn’t know how to create boundaries. She avoided commitment. Yep, she was me at 27. I recognized her all right. What I didn’t know how to do was get rid of her.

One of my favorite quotes is by author Marianne Williamson, talking about how life is a series of growth opportunities. She says, if you don’t learn a lesson when it’s up for you, that’s not a problem. It will just sit there and wait for you til you are ready for the lesson. And that was me – I’d postponed some lessons for 20 years but there they were, just waiting for me to be ready for the journey.

It actually took me 3 long years of searching for answers before the lightbulb finally went off. And when it did, guess what happened to the 27 year old that had been hanging on? She faded back into the past, where she belonged.

If you are carrying some baggage from past relationships, that’s to be expected. We all do. As a coach, I can help you open those bags, and look inside for some key information. Once you understand the message inside that baggage, you will be able to approach new relationships in a healthier way.